Monday, October 13, 2014
This boy
This boy: born with a extra measure of charm, chein, passion, love and joy of life. This delicious sweet affectionate package comes along with stress mom out again and again. He wasn't feeling well, he caught his brother's cough and cold, and has been under the weather for a few weeks. Overnight it took a turn for the worse, he became obsessed with drinking cold bubbly seltzer. He wouldn't go anywhere without a can, when it wasn't cold or bubbly enough he would take a new one. He panicked if he didn't have a cold drink in his hand. He also panicked if I stepped away. After a few days of this I accepted that something wasn't right and took to google on a late dark Saturday night. Always needs a drink led to excessive thirst which lead to it must be diabetes type 1. He's probably thirsty, he's definitely lethargic. I will admit I didn't close my eyes for the rest of the night, I imagined a life with finger pricks and insulin shots and worried about every step along the way. Morning came and I dragged my feet through the day and spent another night doing much the same. By morning I was a mess, fellow teachers assured me it wasn't diabetes as he wasn't running to the bathroom, it's probably OCD triggered by strep ! Better ? A little , but still, the stress and worrying. (Yes in retrospect was ridiculous) . Bh bh a million times a day, his sugar was fine, he's not OCD he was just sick and miserable and doing sick much the same way he does everything else. With an extra dose of drama!
Night
My nights are not for me to sleep, they are for me to nurse him, hold him, let him sleep on me, let him sleep near me, tap his back so he can sleep comfortably, hold his hands while be sleeps and then it's morning. And when he wakes up and gives me this smile I wouldn't have it any other way. I would stay up just to be there to see this .
Climbing
I'm starting to write. It's my journey and this is my path. It's a climb right now. This is the point that I need this space. Nothing happened nothing changed except that I am writing this. It's for myself.
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